So I will be honest and admit that I cried for two days when I found out it was a girl. Letting go of Shepard's pregnancy has been much harder than I ever imagined, and somehow, I thought having another boy would fix all of that. Wake up call.... nothing will ever "fix" it. Nothing, no-one will ever replace him. So what does it really matter if the next baby is a boy or girl? It doesn't.
Estil says emotionally, it might be easier, expecting a little girl. This might allow me to separate this pregnancy from Shepard's a bit more and eventually give this baby the attention, love and bonding she deserves. Just like Shepard got. At first, I "ya-yah"ed him and didn't think what he said had any merit. But now, having been able to process this for a little over a week... I think he might be right. This weekend I was searching for new nursery ideas, thinking about the different colors I might use this time. We have been picking out names and we finally came up with one we are both really excited about. It feels really good.
Now that is not to say that I haven't cried, two, three or 10 times this last week thinking about Shepard, or going through his stuff. But it is emotional progress. That I am sure of, because I am truly happy. I have my moments of grief, and my heart will always ache for Shep. But in this moment, in this pregnancy, I am happy and excited to meet this baby.
SO! Here is Week No. 18 stats :)
Total weight gain: 2 lb.
Maternity clothes: None yet!
Stretch marks: Nope.
Sleep: sleeping ok. Can't sleep on my back anymore and my hips throb throughout the night.
Best moment of this week: Finding a name that both of us really like.
Miss anything: alcohol, heavy weights, and my smaller boobs!
Movement: becoming pretty regular and stronger now!
Food cravings: nothing in particular.
Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!
Have you started to show yet: oh Yes!
Gender: Girl!
Labor signs: Nope.
Belly button in or out: In… sorta 
Wedding rings on or off: On.
Happy or moody most of the time: Happy!
Looking forward to: the "big" ultrasound next week to determine the umbilical cord is right where it should be, so we can rest assured this baby won't have the risk Shepard had.
And just for fun, here is me with Shepard at 18 weeks, and today with baby girl :)
And just for fun, here is me with Shepard at 18 weeks, and today with baby girl :)
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