Week No. 25 - New Year, New Beginnings

With this new year approaching, I am trying to lean in to God and Trust this process more than ever before. It is hard for me to look at 2015 without feeling like I am leaving my baby boy behind. 2014 was rough, really rough. My husband and I lost my mother-in-law, our son, and my grandmother. Saying goodbye to 2014 is hard, emotional and bitter sweet. But, I don't want my past to define me. So I am embracing 2015 with open arms.

This pregnancy seems to be going a lot smoother since seeing the umbilical cord insertion. However, as much as I am trying to just enjoy the ride it is going by so slow! I feel like I am 80 weeks pregnant, not 25. BUT, trying to stay in the present moment... I am go thankful for a healthy baby, healthy pregnancy and a wonderful life. As this baby girl moves more and more I can't help but think about my time I had with Shepard. Trying not to dwell on the past too much and try to remember it's not my place to question the path that has been laid before me. It's just my job to navigate it the best I can with the tools I have. So! Happy New Year ! And here is this weeks update:

Total weight gain: 11lb.

Maternity clothes: maternity workout pants

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Rolling from side to side all night long!

Best moment of this week: Putting more of baby girls room together.

Miss anything: alcohol, sprinting and heavy weights!

Movement: bigger movements this week!

Food cravings: sparkling water with lime.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!

Have you started to show yet: Got a volleyball for a tummy :)

Gender: Girl!

Labor signs: No

Belly button in or out: In… sorta 

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy :)

Week No. 22 - It's official, no velementous cord insertion!

At our 19 week ultrasound we went to see a specialist who double, triple checked the cord insertion. We were more than relieved to know that this baby girl does not have a velementous cord insertion. Her cord is exactly where it should be. The rest of the appointment was great. We got to see her move around like a little athlete. All her measurements were perfect.

After the appointment however, it did bring up a bunch of very confusing emotions for both me and my husband. We were both so happy to see her and know that she is healthy but we were so sad at the same time. For the rest of the day we both couldn't stop thinking about Shepard. It was a really rough night and I couldn't help but feel guilty that now, for the first time, I was betraying my baby girl for thinking about him so much after HER appointment.

It's weird, these mixed emotions. I know that it is part of the grieving process. I know that it is "normal". It is hard to describe. It does get easier when I just let myself feel the feelings without judging myself but lets be real.... when do we ever stop judging ourselves. Especially when it comes to being a good mother to our children.

So as I continue down this unique, beautiful, emotional road of pregnancy with my daughter .... I am taking it one day at a time and trying to enjoy the ride. And today, I have my week 22 photo progress photo to share! I look about 2 weeks bigger than I did with Shepard at this point, and weigh 5 pounds less.

Total weight gain: 6 lb.

Maternity clothes: maternity workout pants

Stretch marks: Nope.

Sleep: Pretty well this week. Must be having a growth spurt because I sleep hard.

Best moment of this week: Finding a name that both of us really like.

Miss anything: smaller boobs! They just keep growing! :(

Movement: all day long :)

Food cravings: nothing in particular.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope!

Have you started to show yet: You betcha!

Gender: Girl!

Labor signs: Nope.

Belly button in or out: In… sorta 

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy :)